“Amidst a sea full of summer blockbuster’s, this tugboat caused the most waves on my shores. Hell yes I wrote that.”

Clerks define’s my feelings toward my two jobs at customer service positions and was full of the angst and aggrevation that come with dealing with some of the dumbest people. As a fan of all of Smith’s film’s to date, including Jersey Girl, I was hoping that Clerks II had some of that old magic towards my still harbored emotions on the working class crap. Smith generally has moved from very personal movies to very “fun” movies. Those personal testaments can be found in Chasing Amy and Jersey Girl whereas the latter is in Mallrats and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Smith found a medium for his brilliant, raw, on-screen prose in Clerks and Dogma. He has crossed over once again in Clerks II to not make only a fun, but touching addition to his collection.

Clerks II picks up where the first one left off, only to find Randall(Jeff Anderson) and Dante (Brian O’Halloran) relocated. It has been explained to me that my synopsises of the movies can sometimes hamper my reviews, so I shall thwart there, albeit to see the same shennanigans and hijinks occur in a different setting. What Smith is able to do with his dynamic duo is not only make likeable, relatable characters, but to use them as his soapbox to the uniform unkown of life after high-school and even college. They serve as images for what everyone strives not to be like, yet find themselves struggling to find the difference. It’s a pretty common theme, but Smith tackles the topic head on once again.

I was surprised this time by how much better the acting was. Say what you want, but the acting in the first movie was pretty wooden. Can’t blame them of course, as they were local actors, but they definetely come around a little bit more this time, specifically Dante. His scenes with Rosario Dawson were some of Smith’s most refreshing works to date. Randall is the backbone to this puppy, with non-stop potent quotables and enough smart-ass to go around twice. The cameos are hillarious; Affleck and Lee had me in shambles. Newcomer Elias (Trevor Fehrman) was also a nice touch. Rosario Dawson was cast perfectly here. Period. And Jason Mewes…can’t see him doing anything else. I also liked how Smith doesn’t depend on the viewer to know his universe to get his jokes, although it certainly helps. This isn’t just a fan film; it’s an everyman film.

Smith’s magic isn’t in his filming style or the shots he takes, but the stories he creates. That is why his movies are endearing: They don’t show the viewer anything astonishingly new, but rather what we want to see above all the fireworks and glamour. This movie has a heart that beats on it’s own backed with incredible comic writing. I can’t find much I didn’t like with this as it was a suitable and outstanding sequel. My only qualms can be in the “gift” for Dante being taken a bit far and some spotty scenes where the emotions and dialogue seemed force(a la roof dance scene). Maybe trying to tug my heart strings makes you miss a note; but entirely forgiveable. Silent Bob has certainly made something here worth talking about. This movie gets 9 Bones out of 10, due to it’s soul, charm and hillarity.

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DVD RELEASES 7/25

The Benchwarmers- I popped this in not expecting much and essentially that’s what I got. Nothing much. And no offense to Adam Sandler, but anything from Happy Madison Productions really isn’t terrific anyways. I enjoyed the novelty value of Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore but preferred his other projects more a la Wedding Singer and even his role in Spanglish. The Benchwarmers is a movie in the same mold as Grandma’s Boy about arrested development in older men, this time on the field of baseball. Rob Schneider(Deuce Bigalow) actually wasn’t terrible in this. Just the entire movie felt flabby and messy, and really pointless while trying to speak about bullies and nerds. Jon Heder(Napoleon Dynamite) reprises his role as Napoleon essentially. Talk about capitalizing on a fad. A few funny characters, few laughable moments (Carlos the Dominican), but otherwise don’t waste your time. This one definetely missed the strike zone. Oh yeah…I went there.

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RATING:

“A lackluster, long-ass journey with little treasure. Argh”

In a summer full of sweeping franchise epics, such as Superman Returns and Mission Impossible 3, Pirates of the Caribbean:Dead Man’s Chest proved to be another notch in the Hollywood bedpost for a sure-fire winner. After the first Pirates went on to make a boat-load of cash(no pun intended), a sequel was definetely in order. As a matter of fact, 2 were, as production is on the third Pirates is coming close to ending. A few of the readers of this withering rag expressed their excitement to witness the daring escapes of Will Turner(Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth(Keira Knightley) and the charming shennanigans of Jack Sparrow(Johnny Depp). I wasn’t blown away with the first one, but found it to be good fun and dare I say, “savvy”? Well it appears, that ship has sailed in this one(pun definetely intended).

Let me say this: I like franchises. I dug The Matrix, X-Men, Star Wars, The Godfather, Lord of the Rings etc. They definetely work well in the telling of a story and keeping viewers wanting to come back to the theaters. Pirates to me maybe merited a sequel, just to capitalize on some good preformances and for a little more fun this go-round. But by tying into this idea of 3 movies, the story gets lost in the current shall we say. Following this movie is pretty messy, with lot’s of unnecessary info with little to no prefacing or introduction. I stuck around simply for Depp’s preformance and the cool effects and action.

In this long-winded sequel Will and Elizabeth’s wedding is interrupted by some crazy little British commander who claims that they will die unless they find Jack Sparrow. Will goes off in search of Jack who apparently has a debt to pay with his soul for having captained the Black Pearl for 13 years. Davy Jones (Bill Nighy, the old-guy from Love Actually) is captain of the Flying Dutchman to which Jack’s soul will crew if he doesn’t get him 100 souls in exchange. Having said that, there are many other little quips and lines the story takes that really kind of overload the viewer. Thus the first 2 hours of this become pretty much a sufferable bore, only for it’s decent action sequences.

And even then, I’ve seen better action sequences this summer. I’ve been truely taken aback by some of the effects this summer in other movies. Pirates could have been a 2 hour kick-ass movie had it just removed some of the unnecessary’s. Those being;story-lines involving characters from the last movie, a daring rescue on a tribal island and numerous others. I understand theres a larger story being told here, but the audience came to see ships being blown up and pirates kicking ass and drinking, with a great deal of charm and comedy. Maybe this movie took itself too seriously, as I was seriously non-impressed throughout.

That being said, I did enjoy the Will-Elizabeth-Jack trio. They really do hold the film as an almost Luke-Leia-Han, without the real brother sister thing of Luke and Leia obviously. But that being said, that almost feels played out as well. The movie leaves the viewer with a twist/cliffhanger ending (yay) which opens the third movie. Director Gore Verbinski had his hands full making an intelligible movie out of what must have been a monster script and setting up for a third, so for his efforts, I commend him. Albeit, Knightley definetely needed better direction, with her scenes seeming a bit awkward. Must be hard when Johnny Depp is doing his thing and Orlando Bloom is doing his best Errol Flynn. I don’t know if an ingenue who can kick ass has a place in this series. Damsel in distress? That sounds more fitting.

Ok so like my reviews, this movie was long and full of nonsense with occasional brinks of excitement and action. Nothing I really gasped over but definetely didn’t walk out of the theater. If you can spare half an eternity to captain this vessel(man I’m so quippy), take the rainy afternoon and use it on this. If you loved the first one, then it doesn’t dissapoint. But if you just simply liked it, not really loving it, then maybe wait for DVD. This one gets 6 out of 10 Bones, edging that last Bone out for having to expend it’s energy for the third movie.

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