Starting up here at The Bones Report is a new segment I like to call “They Actually Made This”. It’s a segment where I talk about movies that have been made with perhaps the most ridiculous premises or ideas. So this edition brings us two sequels made from ridiculous franchises.  The fact that I now have to call these particular movies franchises makes me want to inflict harm on myself.  Herego, here are two movies they actually made…

Dance movies must be all the rave that I’m missing out on because I didn’t see where the original Step-Up had much to offer. That withstanding, I could see why a lot of teenage girls would fall in love with the product; dance, romance, love and Channing Tatum (in perhaps his only non-Iraq soldier role). So what facilitated a sequel is clearly dollars and sense, and you’d think that’d be the pay off. But no. Instead we have to go trilogy on this piece. In 3-dimensions no less.

First off, did we really need a sequel to this movie? Because let me tell you exactly how all 3 movies play out and I’ve never seen them: Girl is well-to-do training to be a dancer, girl meets boy who’s from the school of “hard knocks”, she teaches him to come out of his shell, he teaches her courage and somewhere in there is a pedestrian teen movie villain like a black kid who doesn’t think the white kids have moves or a rich kid who can dance way better because his dad can buy him the best “kicks”. In summation, why waste 4 hours of your life watching this trifecta of garbage when you can just read this shitty blog for the rundown? The answer is, you don’t. Unless it brings something else to the table.

So I guess for this third movie it’s not good enough to just have kids dancing and romancing. It has to be in 3-d.  Clue me in on this: what purpose does having 3-dimensional dancing add to the film? Are more teen girls going to run to the theater hoping to rub the 3-D ab’s the male lead undoubtedly has? Can we feel the beating of the hearts and jams that are pumping so loudly? Look dance movie, stay in your wheel house which is cheap schlock with empty payoff for affluent young females.  Don’t try to rope me in with your fandangled tricks.  I’d rather get kicked in the face by the dancers at Faneuil Hall then be subjected to this.

Cats and Dogs.  A relationship Hollywood would have you believe is very contentious. And judging by the first film, Cats and Dogs, they are quite literally at war with each other.  Like with weapons.  So if that violent concept isn’t enough to draw you and the kids to the theaters, we’ve gone sequel! And this time, it’s all about revenge.

I will admit that my interest is a bit piqued as to what we’re really getting at with this poster.  First off, these animals have some serious skills, developing jet packs and planes.  And according to the tag line, they’re….spies? So let me get this straight: Animals with no opposable thumbs and not exactly of the highest intelligence in the animal kingdom are now running spec op’s straight into the hearts of Americans? Sheer diarrhea gold.

And this of course HAS to be in the grandness of 3-D, which will really connect us with our protagonists.  And what’s with “The Revenge of Kitty Galore” tag line? I mean we are so far removed from the first movie that will audiences really remember this “unforgettable” antagonist.  Maybe it’s the timing or maybe its the lack of respect for the relationship between Cats and Dogs that’s got me down on this. Or maybe it’s the fact that it’s been made. Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, stay right here. Why? Because I hate you.

Per JoBlo, apparently Chris Nolan will be taking some amount of control in rebooting Superman.  Kinda psyched. Your thoughts? Comment at me.

Below is the link to my good friend Dan’s Photo project, entitled “New York Resolution”.   It captures people in there  New Years Resolutions in a photo montage.  Check it out.

www.newyorkresolution.com

If you like “The Godfather 1 &2″, “The Deer Hunter”, “Dog Day Afternoon” or “The Conversation”, you need to watch this documentary. It’s about 40 minutes long about the life of John Cazale, who was in all 5 movies. An amazing actor that stood toe to toe with some of the greats. Highly recommend watching this. Thanks to JoBlo.com for this link.

This was a tough one to watch. It seems like both guys have valid points. Something like this can kind of ruin your view of a director. Not me though.  What would have been better is if he blew up the asshole trying to get his poster signed.

As most of you know by now, I have entered a video into the WhenCloverfieldHit.com contest.  I am hoping that most of you reading this have already voted.  But if not, then take this oppurtunity to do so:

View and comment on Area CSN
 

SPOILERS AHEAD!

**************************************************************************************************

The final episode of The Sopranos was incredible, specifically with the last 5-10 minutes.  This may be the best TV finale ever. I keep hearing both sides: One side claims that David Chase, the shows creator, took a cheap way out and made an awful episode.  The other side that it was brilliant because it doesn’t package to Americans.  I reside more toward the latter, but certainly not in that elitist view.  Which brings about an interesting perspective.  A long standing issue between art and pop media, is the intellectual merit.  The final episode of this show proves to be a wonderful relationship of the two, in that many watched it and the episode itself has sparked conversation and provoked the educated and the laymen.  Apart from that view, I thought I’d touch base on some theories:

-The Screen goes Black and Tony’s dead: Many people have stated that when the screen goes black at the end, it is a reference to a line spoken by Bobby that talks about when you get “clipped” you “never hear it coming”.  I like this view, because it’s really masterfully done, if that is the intent.  I’m loving that you see Tony in the shirt he wore for season 1 as the last thing on screen.  Does he die? Does he live?

-The Cat was Adrianna or Christopher: This is pretty self explanatory, and I totally believe it to be the case.  I actually thought maybe the cat was bugged by the FBI.

-Tony Enters the Diner and See’s Himself: This is a theory I am taking credit for.  If you watch very closely, the photography for that last part begins with Tony entering a diner and peering into the restaurant, resting on the image of a figure.  The figure ends up being himself, but it seems to flash back to Tony standing in the doorway.  I don’t know what this means, or if my eyes fucked up, but in general, there’s something fishy about that scene.  Upon re-watching, I may be  able to rectify it.

For those who were dissapointed with the finale, I urge you to look at the final 8 episodes and assess blame appropriately. This season and specifcally the finale, suffered from a lack of activity in earlier episodes.  Given that the creative team had 8 episodes in which to finish this show, I can safely say that at least 2 of the episodes (the Vegas episode, the first episode at the lake house) were a waste of time and proved/showed nothing.  These hour long episodes could have been dedicated to more important plot lines and really drove the show home.  The finale was saved by a great penultimate episode and served to be a great episode itself.  I was upset there wasn’t more time spent to the impending doom of the war between Phil and Tony.  The arc suffered from unnecessary episodes.

All in all, if you have On-Demand or get a chance to see the episode, I urge you to watch it.  I’m also open for debate on this one guys, so comments will be very much appreciate and awesome.